Aphorisms of Love: An Early Disappointment Is Better Than A Late One

It is better to discover incompatibilities early, rather than late.

Ideally, we wouldn’t discover any incompatibilities. However, reality being the way it is, it is better to discover these early, rather than late. An early unmatch is easier to handle, than a late one.

I’ve been rejected, this very morning. Truth be told, I wasn’t surprised. To start with, her profile was not squarely in my wheelhouse, but I like to give people chances. I pinged her. She replied. She asked me why I had pinged her. I replied that she was poly, into kink, and pretty, and I wanted to see if we were compatible. She replied that she replied to my ping positively for the same reasons.

Our chat was pleasant, but it was clear that I wasn’t a priority for her. The app also told me her distance from me was about 28 miles. I think she was much closer when I liked her. We chatted for a few days, but her replies came much slower than I’m used to. Eventually, she came back saying that she did not have quite the words to express it, but that we were not a good match after all. I said, “fair enough,” and wished her good luck. Then she unmatched.

Oh, she was autistic, too.

I’ve had a good deal of failures like this one. Some people were looking for some undefinable quality that should have told them that we were “a match.” They never told me what it was that was the problem. It is a bit irritating to be judged invalid against some obscure standard, but what can you do? Nothing.

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Some people sometimes slammed the door in my face pretty hard. A lady found me a few weeks ago. She was a bit older than I am. It is a fact that the oldest person I’ve dated during the past two years was 27. It is also a fact that I don’t aim to have someone older get on my case for responding to the youngsters. I mentioned this first fact to her, and she had a fit. I suspect she was NT too.

There is a large dose of disappointment that comes from these early failures. I don’t know about you, but whenever someone approaches me, I start thinking about what we’ll do together, and so on, and so forth. It is not fun to have those hopes dashed.

At the same time, it seems to me that in a lot of cases, we were mismatched from the get-go. Yes, discovering this early sucks, but I think in most cases, we’ve merely discovered early that we were not a match. Discovering the same fact weeks later wouldn’t do us any favors, because by that time, feelings could have developed, and parting ways might be harder.

I’ve had the experience of late breakups. I give my all to a relationship, only to discover, months into it, that the person I adored is inherently incompatible with me. These breakups are exceedingly painful.

The lady I mentioned above who had an issue with age is the perfect example. We exchanged two messages and she blew up. Do you really think that I could have threaded the needle with that one? If she had not blown up as early as she did, she would merely have done the same later.

A few weeks back, I matched with an enby. I did what I do with just about any prospect. We discussed kinks. I proposed the hotel. They accepted. We met at the hotel first, prior to going out for supper. We were together for about five minutes before they declared that they couldn’t go through with it, and left. I wish I had perceived this incompatibility sooner.

Unmatching early is no fun, but it is often a blessing in disguise. You merely discover early, what you would have discovered later.






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