It may seem paradoxical, but the realization that I am in fact enby eliminated a source of weirdness in my life.
In the article in which I came out as enby, I explained how patriarchy dictates the gender binary of man and woman. I reject this edict.
“I’m not a man.”
“Oh, you must be a woman, then.”
“I’m not a woman.”
“Wait… you must be a man then, but you just said you’re not a man. I must conclude that you are, sir, or ma’am, a fraud!”
It is from the heteronormative standpoint, an aspect of the patriarchy, that the paradox originates. From the heteronormative point of view, I’m just a weirdo who is fallaciously claiming the nonbinary label for some nefarious reason. Not so. I’d say that I’m less of a weirdo now than I used to be. Let me explain.
Back when I thought the label man adequately described me, I’d have those feelings or behaviors that society insisted were the province of women. How dared I, a man, have those feelings or display those behaviors?
This left me confused.
I was a man, yes, but one with female behaviors and feelings. What did this make me? A feminine man! A weirdo, who shouldn’t display those feelings and behaviors! For shame! Such is the patriarchal imposition of the gender binary onto everything internal and external.
Nah… not for shame. More for confusion. If we do away with the edicts of the gender binary, then we are free to just be our own glorious selves. We can display whatever feelings we feel, without shame, or confusion.
Sometimes people who continue to espouse the binary will say that a man is allowed to have those feelings that society deem to be feminine. Fair enough, but why does society even need to allow this? There is, in fact, no need for society to allow it. It is mere fact. It happens. The gender binary be damned!
If we no longer live under the edicts of the gender binary, then we can just BE. Or better expressed, we can HAPPEN, without shame, or confusion. This is the freedom to just act and react in which ever way we do, without the gender binary judging our actions or reactions.
Do not be surprised if the person who adopts this label appears to act the same way as before. They act as they did before the adoption of this label, yes, but if they felt shame, they no longer feel shame, and if they felt confusion, they no longer feel confusion.
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