Aphorisms Of Love: To Find Lasting Relationships, You Must Allow Those That Won’t Last

A reflection on those relationships that don’t last.

Photo by Bruce Hong on Unsplash

I was lucky when I met my ex-wife. It was my first relationship. It lasted 26 years, and our marriage lasted 22 years. It was a “hole in one” so to speak. Mind you, we did have some rumbles during our first year. We broke up four times, easily, and most likely more than this. I lived in Montréal, and my ex-wife was in Maryland at that time. That did not make for an easy relationship.

I don’t know whether my ex-wife realizes it, but she was also extremely lucky in me. Our relationship was an age gap one, with her being 20 years older than I am. All my attempts at finding a lasting relationship after our divorce have been age gap relationships, but running into the other direction.

I’d like to report that it’s been smooth sailing, but it hasn’t. In two years, my longest relationship post-divorce lasted seven months. Other than this, I’ve had a spate of one-night stands that I certainly did not desire, and that I think the other party did not desire either. It is sometimes hard to know what happened in their heads, as some of them just disappeared.

I’ve also been betrayed by former lovers twice. The pattern has been the same both times. They told me they were breaking up with me due to something going on in their life. We remained friends. Eventually, they did things that belied what they told me their reason for wanting a breakup was. In both cases, I learned of the lie when they managed to bed other people, but it is not the fact that they had sex with someone else that hurts, but the lie regarding the nature of our breakup itself.

Still, we have to accept that some relationships won’t last. The numbers are working against the “hole in one” scenario. If we stay on the sidelines in the hope that something will pan out, then it is likely that nothing will happen for us.

I’ll add that, in my experience, even those relationships that do not last have something to teach us about life and love.






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