Dating Advice For Autistic People: Filling Out A Profile

For autistic folks, but I expect it would work for all neurodivergent folks.

The first question you should ask yourself is whether you want to find someone to share your life with. Some of us really want this. However, some of us do not really want it. We’re doing it because someone else expects it of us. If you find yourself in that second group, there is no shame in saying “not for me.” I do find myself very much in the first group, however. I want this. I took care of my ex-wife for 26 years. I want to take care of someone else now.

For a number of reasons, I prefer right now to use dating apps for dating. Maybe you prefer in person meetings. Unfortunately, the advice I am going to give applies more to using apps, than to initiating a relationship face to face. I might point out here that all my relationships started on the Internet. Yes, this includes the relationship with my ex-wife back in 1996. I should also say that up to now, I’ve always had relationships with other neurodivergent people. It just worked out this way.

First, you should develop your profile. Pick nice pictures of yourself to add to your profile. You don’t want to look like you just got out of bed, or have a smile that looks like you’re about to eat the viewer. However, it is not necessary to present as someone you are not. If you don’t like suits, don’t put a picture of yourself in a suit. When you take selfies, you might need to do it multiple times for your smile to look natural. I know my selfies don’t always come right on the first try. If you have a friend that can help you with taking your pictures, that’s even better.

If you cannot show your face for professional reasons, by all means crop your face out, or put an emoji over it. Don’t be surprised, however, if fewer people are interested in you because of this. For the love of everything sacred, do not make all your profile pictures, images of nature, cartoons, or anything else that is not you. I pass on those profiles. I’m sure other people do too. Try to have a good variation of pictures. We want to see the face, the body, etc. Make sure not to have someone else in your picture, or be ready to explain it in the text portion of your profile.

The text portion of your profile should give an idea of who you are. I tend to pass on people who have nothing in the text portion. Be honest about who you are. One big question for us autistic people is whether to disclose our condition. Right now, I prefer not to, but I think this is a personal choice. I also do not disclose my physical ailments. It seems too easy for someone to read this type of information in your profile and infer all kinds of incorrect things. If you match, then you’ll be better able to explain in chat how your condition and illnesses affect you.

Think long and hard about what it is you are looking for, and write it into your profile. If you have dealbreakers, do list the most prominent ones. For instance, I’m not going to date Republicans or racists. It is in my profile. They can pass on me when they see my profile. Make sure you also explain what you are into. I managed to establish relationships with people who did not do this. I took a chance, and it paid off, but it can grate over time to keep having to take chances on everyone.

One thing you should definitely not do in your profile is inflate yourself, or lie about your own situation. If you are polyamorous, state it plainly. This way, when a person decides to like you, they are not surprised. Well, they shouldn’t be surprised. Some people will only look at the pictures and not read the profile. In my view, this is shitty. Your profile is there for a reason. If someone comes in chat and acts like they haven’t read your profile. This is a red flag.

A note here, if you present as a woman: I guess you can ignore all my recommendations here. I had a female friend create a profile with a single picture of nature and no profile text. It quickly got hundreds of hits. However, this amounts to playing with fire, because I’ll bet you anything that these hits are low quality.






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