I’m tired of those requests asking me to immediately review something.
It has happened again a few minutes ago. A popup showed up asking if I liked a WordPress extension. I’m tired of this shit. My entire life feels like I’m partnered with a needy person who keeps needing reassurance that I like them.
You may think that your little request is no big deal. Newsflash: it is a big deal! You’re asking me right now to drop everything and give you an honest assessment of whether I like your stuff. What? You did not realize that I was going to give an honest assessment? You’re dealing with someone who is autistic. If you ask me for an evaluation, I don’t see myself cutting corners or giving a half-baked impression.
Not only this, but add to this the fact that your request is not the only request I get. Your gizmo is not the only thing I use, you know. When every app writer, every grocery store, every dispensary, every dumbass in existence asks me to validate them, the noise is deafening.
In order to properly answer all the demands you assholes put on me, I’d have to take up a job as a reviewer. I can review your gizmo, but it takes time for me to form an opinion about whether it works the way I want. Again, I don’t deal in half-baked opinions. Again, your request is not the only one I get. What makes you think you’re more deserving of my time than the million other assholes who clamor for a review?
I’ll be frank here, these immediate demands feel scammy to me. I imagine that the reason we are bombarded with these so fast is that we haven’t had the time yet to discover problems. Since we haven’t discovered problems yet, then we will give a stellar review. No way! I’m not going to do this.
The risk you run when you ask me too persistently or too early for a review is that I’m going to review your product poorly, and I’m going to leave a comment like “asks for a review too soon.” Yes, asking too soon is a flaw in your product. Actually, your product shouldn’t even ask. We’re going to write a review when and if we are ready.
The cherry on this shit sundae is when the gizmo won’t take “no” for an answer. Some of them don’t give you the option to even say “no.” You can only say “later.” Others take “no” as “later.” So you think you’ve dismissed the request forever, but it comes back.
I encourage everyone who is annoyed at these requests to put in a shitty review. Don’t give them five stars because you haven’t found the Achilles’ heel yet, give them one start for the bloody review request.
Maybe then they’ll learn not to fuck with their clients.