Autistic Joy: How I Did NOT Celebrate Valentine’s Day With My Boyfriend

We are on the same page, he and I, Valentine’s Day is not something to celebrate.

I’ve always had a difficult relationship with Valentine’s Day. I went through the motions, for the benefit of my ex-wife. It was very important for her to mark the day, somehow.

As far as I see it, Valentine’s Day is a moment designed to compel affection. This does not sit well with me. I can show affection. I can give gifts. However, as usual, it is all situational with me. If you require me to be affectionate at some arbitrary date, I may oblige you, but the act will feel forced to me. I’m not some machine on which you can press a button and get the goods.

I did wish a Happy Valentine’s Day to my boyfriend, and I quickly followed by making a mention that it is a moment for socially-mandated affection. He immediately replied that he hates the day. Well, he won’t get any flack from me about that. We’re on the same page. (This relationship is about one-month old, so I did not know yet how he’d take it.)

I told you my affection is situational. We’re planning an outing to a maple syrup event. I effectively grew up with the substance. I’ve had the chance in my childhood to see many demonstrations about how the syrup is produced. He hasn’t. So I’m showing my affection by offering him to see how it is made.

Now, there are things going on in his life that may prevent this outing from happening. However, I’m not pushy. This is also affection. Mind you, if it does not happen, I’m going to be disappointed, but it won’t be the end of the world.

Two neurodivergent men, agreeing that Valentine’s Day sucks. That’s autistic joy!






2 responses to “Autistic Joy: How I Did NOT Celebrate Valentine’s Day With My Boyfriend”

  1. Bill Taroli :neurodiversity: Avatar

    @yourautisticlife Yeah even when we do celebrate we never do it on the actual day. I like this because it emphasizes that the celebration isn’t proscribed by social contract. It’s something we do whenever because it expresses how we feel about one another.

    #ValentinesDay #ActuallyAutistic

  2. nakedgardener Avatar


    thanks for putting the word i couldnt find..

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